Late Night Recaps the Worst of the G.O.P. Presidential Debate

“When the actors heard a deal had been reached, they gasped, screamed, laughed, cried, and then were like ‘I also do accents.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“The Hallmark Channel immediately started shooting all 1,200 of its Christmas movies this morning.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Politico published an article today after last night’s debate titled, ‘Tim Scott’s Girlfriend Is, in Fact, Real.’ However, jury’s still out on Tim Scott.” — SETH MEYERS

“For a while now, Tim Scott has claimed to have a girlfriend, but no one has ever seen her, and donors have been worried it’s hurting him in the race so, after the debate he brought her up onstage. Yeah, when asked how they met, she was like, ‘I was his Uber driver on the way over.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“Aw, that’s so sweet! Man, you look for love your whole life, and you finally find it with a respectable-looking woman just two months before the Iowa caucus. I mean, what are the odds?” — SARAH SILVERMAN

“He really should have just proposed right there, got down on one knee, like, ‘Mindy, would you make my campaign manager the happiest man alive?’” — SARAH SILVERMAN

“It’s just too bad for Tim that he had to get this nonunion actor to play his girlfriend. I mean, if he had waited one more day for the strike to end, he could have gotten a professional actor fake girlfriend.” — SARAH SILVERMAN

“It’s a smart move by Tim Scott. He’s never going to be president, but at least people will know that he has a fake girlfriend, so that’s good: ‘She lives in Canada, you guys don’t know her.’” — JIMMY FALLON